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As Joanna said, marriage takes some work no matter what, but being married to your best friend, and listening to the spirit brings great blessings. I too suffer the same problem. My wife chose me, but most people aren't so lucky. I would bet this is exactly what she is thinking about you, which is why she is willing to have a relationship with you aren't a Mormon. As a docs wife we have to deal with all sorts, and prayer has often been my lifeline. I told her that I want to only be friends. I am very active with my work, social life, and activities and independent.
My mom always said the more you have, the more it owns you, so true. Additionally we have no family nearby for me to rely on for help or just to combat loneliness. Yes you are all correct it's lonely and rewarding at the same time But we can continue to make it work. Now I feel sadness for losing out because of fear, and a cult mindset.